


First Times

by booksandboxsets



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Coming of Age, Female Characters, Gen, Kinda?, One Shot, Shameless US Femslash Week, Siblings, Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:02:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2285973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandboxsets/pseuds/booksandboxsets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sister, she finally had a sister.</p><p>A beautiful little sister with a tuft of orange hair, and eyes like melted chocolate, eyes that look kind of like mine, she thought with a smile. As the baby's hand clasped around her finger, 10-year-old Fiona Gallagher began to cry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Times

**Author's Note:**

> shameless us femslash week: day 1 - first's  
> js: i'm no expert in baby development or the american school system so sorry in advance if timeline is off. also, sorry if fiona's pov sounds too old to start with?? but w/e i love sibling relationships a lot.  
> triggers: neglect and abandonment.

A sister, she finally had a sister.

A beautiful little sister with a tuft of orange hair, and eyes like melted chocolate,  _eyes that look kind of like mine_ , she thought with a smile. As the baby's hand clasped around her finger, 10-year-old Fiona Gallagher began to cry.

The truth was, Fiona hadn't been all that happy to find out her mother was pregnant again. Her little lungs had shouted all they could on the matter, and on a day when Lip and Ian had been particularly difficult, she had come close to begging her mother to get rid of it. But it wasn't an it, no,  _she_  was a Debbie. Fiona hated herself for ever wishing that her newest sibling never existed, especially now that she knew that said sibling was a girl.

She knew her original outrage was more than justified, she was only ten and she already had two other mouths to feed, which was struggle enough as it was. There truly didn't need to be another addition to the Gallagher children; she had believed it was best for her and best for the baby. Why should this innocent thing have to come into the world only to find that it would have to rely upon it's older sister, who really wasn't that old, to survive? To find that it's creators only cared about the  _creating_ , not the creation? Unless it had money that is. Disappointment and bitterness; that's all there would be. Frank had called her selfish for voicing these concerns, telling her that she was only worrying about herself; who was she to refuse her little brother or sister life just because she couldn't juggle school, shopping, cooking, washing, two brothers and a baby? Even at ten Fiona could recognise Frank's bullshit hypocrisy, he was the selfish one, not her. But Debbie's presence, not her presence as Monica's baby bump, her  _actual_  presence - it changed everything. She knew she hadn't been selfish per say, but with her little sister in her arms, she felt guilty. How could she have dreamt of denying the world of Debbie Gallagher? She was magnificent.

That's not to say Fiona wasn't worried any more, she was, she didn't have a clue how she was going to raise another child on top of Lip and Ian. But she would. And she would do it well. That was the first of many promise's she'd make to her little sister.

////

Fiona was sat on the bedroom floor with Debbie sat on her lap; she was meant to be at school but she'd much rather be here. Debbie had started teething, and this morning she was in clear discomfort. With Frank passed out (Debbie's screaming doing nothing to budge him), and with nothing being able to budge Monica at the moment, Fiona had got her brothers off to Kindergarten and then opted to return home and comfort her sister. 

She heard Frank belch even from a different room.

"Our father is gross Debs." Fiona kissed the top of her sister's head, "how did he produce a ginger princess like you huh?"

Fiona began to bounce Debbie up and down a bit, causing the younger girl to smile her gummy smile, her biggest worry being the fact that her smile would soon start to become more and more toothy. She was still oblivious to the neglect they suffered though, and whilst Fiona knew that that wouldn't last forever - their parents would undoubtedly hurt Debbie one day - she just hoped that knowing that her older siblings would never neglect her would in some way act as a bandage when Debbie's own version of the 'crappy-parents' wound opened. 

She bounced her a little bit more, determined to keep that smile plastered onto Debbie's face for as long as possible. Fiona's smile was directly proportional to Debbie's, and right now, both of them were just getting wider and wider - all up until Debbie let out a bright and gleeful laugh.

"Debbie! You laughed!"

Fiona couldn't contain her own laughter now, it echoed down the hallway as she ran into her parent's bedroom, carrying Debbie along with her - this had to be the miracle that would break their slumber, their child's laughter had to do it. 

"Mom! Dad! I made Debs laugh! Listen!"

She sat on the bed and began to bounce Debbie again, and as the perfect little sound started up once more, adding brightness to a bedroom usually filled with the opposite, Frank Gallagher put a pillow over his head.

Fiona hated him for it.

//// 

"Debs! Debs! Debs! Debs!"

The chant filled the air as Debbie sat across from her siblings, watching them with a look of confusion.

"C'mon Debs, come here," Fiona said as she opened up her arms, trying to encourage her. It seemed to work, Debbie finally starting to shift. The Gallagher siblings watched in anticipation as their baby sister moved up onto all fours and started to make her way towards them. Surprisingly, she didn't flop down almost straight away, she was actually doing it. 

Realisation dawned on all of them as Debbie made her way across the living floor, heading directly towards Fiona's arms - Debbie was crawling! Another cheer filled the room as she reached her destination of Fiona's outstretched arms, who proceeded to scoop Debbie up and spin her around. 

"Told you she'd do it earlier than you did Lip!"  

////

Fiona was feeding Debbie her dinner, occasionally making aeroplane noises as the spoon headed towards Debbie's mouth. Mostly however, she was just ranting.

"'Fiona bring me a beer', ' Fiona Debbie smells', 'Fiona got any cash?'" Fiona sighed; a sigh filled with much more hopelessness than it should be at her age, "You never hear 'thank you, Fiona' though, no 'well done, Fiona', it's always 'you'll have another little brother or sister to take care of soon Fiona, aren't you excited Fi?'"

She paused to wipe up some food that had dropped onto Debbie's chin, always gentle despite her current anger.

Her tone changed, "but how about that Debs? Not long and you'll have a brother or sister around your own age?"

Despite knowing that her life was going to become that bit harder with yet another baby, Fiona didn't mind all that much this time around, and her anger began to subside a bit thinking about the new member of the clan, knowing the immediate and overwhelming love she'd feel for him or her. Plus, Debbie would have someone to grow up with, similar to Lip and Ian; it would be good for her. She ignored the slight twinge of jealousy and continued on with her stream of conciousness, "Lip and Ian reckon it's a boy, they seem to think it's a competition."

Another aeroplane noise, "you know what, I kind of hope they win, I like the idea of us two being special - the only sisters, sticking together."

She bopped Debbie on the nose, causing her to chuckle, "Debbie and Fiona forever, promise? It's you and me, Debs and Fi."

"Fi, Feee!" 

The last trace of Fiona's anger washed away upon hearing the syllable that acted as her nickname. She froze for a moment, hardly processing what had just happened, a mixture of disbelief and wonderment holding her in place. She eventually broke out of it, putting down Debbie's food and kissing the top of her sister's head, stroking her locks of red as her eyes became watery. 

"That's right Debs, Fi," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. 

Lip and Ian's first words had been the typical 'mama' or 'dada' and through no fault of their own, their first word's had hurt their older sister - their older sister Fiona who had done all the work but was never acknowledged first. She knew it was petty, but her name being the first name that Debbie spoke meant the world to Fiona.

The sister's foreheads were touching as the younger of the two uttered another 'Fi' and the tears started rolling down the oldest's cheek. 

////

The scene was the same - the Gallagher siblings all sat opposite Debbie, cheering her on, Fiona's open arms acting as the finish line. There were however, two differences: 1) there was an extra sibling, a newborn named Carl who Lip was holding, and  2) Debbie was walking instead of crawling. 

The reward was also the same - Debbie was swung into the air and spun around, head thrown back and arms out wide. Laughter enveloped them all, and at least for that night they forgot that parents are meant to be there to guide their child's first steps into the brutal world, should be there to hold their hand along the way. The missing presence of Frank and Monica Gallagher was for once, unnoticed.

////

"Fi, Fi come look!"

Debbie grabbed a hold of her sister's hand and pulled her towards the bathroom. Once they got there the she pointed at the toilet proudly, a smug look upon her face.

Fiona looked over and sure enough, Debbie had gone to the toilet all by herself. 

"DEBBIE!" Fiona cried, her voice laced with astonishment, "you're getting more grown up by the second little one."

Debbie put her hands on her hips, lifting her chin up before correcting her sibling, "I'm not little any more!" She said defiantly. 

"No, I guess not." Fiona was half-excited and half-upset by the reminder of Debbie's increasing age. On one hand, it meant she would finally be able to hand down some of her old clothes, a concept she had been excited about ever since Debbie was born, but on the other hand, it meant Debbie was coming ever closer to the harsh reality of Frank and Monica. Debbie being toilet trained meant she was getting closer and closer to the era of having no parent's to bring to parent's evening, the era of seeing other children interact with their own parent's, watching with envy as her classmates got picked up from school by them, getting lifted onto their dad's shoulders with their mother's holding their hands across the road. 

Fiona pushed the thought to the side; she would worry about it when it came, right now, she would focus on Debbie's accomplishment. 

"This deserves a reward, how's the park sound?"

Debbie momentarily became a human bobble-head, nodding so enthusiastically it looked like her neck would snap.

"Okay then, we'll go this weekend," Fiona did some mental maths, trying to work out if she could also afford a more fitting present. Satisfied that she could find some money to spare she went ahead and voiced her plan, "we can also go and buy you some new knickers for when you start Kindergarten! Sound good?"

////

"Debs honey, I'm sorry, I have to go."

Fiona was crouched down, eye level with her little sister, who was in the middle of a sulk. It was Debbie's first time being dropped off at Kindergarten and she was not taking kindly to the idea of being separated from Fiona, of being left here with these new people.

"You'll be fine, I promise. Plus, I'll be back to pick you up in no time."

Her words seemed to do nothing to soothe the red haired toddler, whose expression just seemed to grow even more upset.

"C'mon, I thought you said that you were a big girl now?" Fiona asked as she wiped away one of Debbie's tears.

"I lied, can we go home now? Please Fi."

"We can go home later, I'll cook you pancakes?" 

Fiona smiled a comforting smile, kissing the top of Debbie's head and running a hand through Debbie's hair before standing up again. 

"Go on, have fun, I'll see you soon."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She waited until Debbie gave a little nod of her head before grabbing the pram and heading back out of the door, looking back at her sister one last time before closing it behind her. She hated this initial separation just as much as the younger of the two did. She just hoped she could scrape enough together to get some pancake mix, Debbie deserved that. 

////

"Twist it, that helps."

"It's not working," Debbie whined. 

The redhead put her fingers back into her mouth and started messing around with her wobbly tooth, something she had been doing constantly recently. 

Carl also reached his hand up towards Debbie's mouth, "I can do it."

"Ew, Fionaaaa, Carl's being gross," she said as she swatted her brother's hand away.

"How about we leave the tooth alone for one second and eat?" Fiona suggested, putting plates down in front of everyone. 

Debbie was halfway through a mouthful when it finally happened, her first tooth fell out! She picked it out of her mouth, studying it carefully before showing it around the table, practically bouncing in her seat. 

"Don't forget to put it under your pillow Debs," Fiona reminded her, whilst reminding herself to look under the sofa cushions for any loose change.

////

"Fiona, where's Mommy?"

The wound was finally opening; the extent of her parent's neglect was seeping through into Debbie, who had now noticed Monica's extended absence. The wall Fiona had tried to build around her, the armour, the shield, the little bubble of oblivion - it had popped. She knew it had been inevitable, but Fiona wished it had never had to happen. Fiona also knew that from this point onwards, the wound would only get deeper, that the future for Debbie included false hope after false hope as Frank and Monica came and left as they pleased. Still, she'd try her best to patch the wound up and do all she could to ease the blow.

"Monica? She's just gone away for a while."

"How long's a while?"

Fiona stared blankly at her sister, it was a question she had never had the answer to, and she couldn't lie, she couldn't be the one responsible for false hope, "I don't know."

Debbie's eyes started to fill with tears, her voice rising an octave as she asked her final question. Fiona had known it was coming, she had asked it herself several times before, "why Fi? What did I do?"

The tears started to drip down Debbie's cheeks as her little frame convulsed with sobs, sobs that didn't look like they'd end any time soon. Fiona pulled Debbie towards her and sat her on her lap, wrapping her arms tightly around the smaller girl, "no, you did nothing sweetie, absolutely nothing."

Debbie curled further into her older sister, grabbing onto her t-shirt and dampening it with tears, "then wh-why is she g-one?"

There was nothing to say, nothing that could push Debbie back into blissful ignorance. Abandonment always hits hardest the first time round.

Debbie had something Fiona hadn't though, she had her sister and brothers. There was that comfort; she wasn't alone. Fiona hoped it would be enough.

She crawled under her duvet, bringing Debbie along with her. She then pulled her younger sister into an embrace, trying to convey the deepest of empathy. Fiona ran her hand through Debbie's hair until she cried herself to sleep; all whist whispering the constant reminder that "I'm here, Debs, I'll always be here."

////

Except for the first time, she wasn't. For the first time, Debbie didn't turn to her big sister. 

////

Fiona barely knew anything about her younger sister's first boyfriend, wouldn't have even known he existed if Carl hadn't told her. Debbie had gone to Sammi over her first period, had confided with her over her first teenage love-sickness. Fiona had been a constant presence throughout Debbie's childhood but was missing the start of her adolescence. She was always meant to be available but she felt a distance between them, for the first time, she felt cut off. She felt unneeded.

////

Debbie had never felt like she had had to protect her older sister - Fiona had always been the strong one, the master in taking care of everything. What Debbie hadn't realised was that there was one thing Fiona didn't really know how to take care of - herself.

Fiona had always looked after her, she had always been there, even when Debbie didn't want her to be. Debbie had never expected the roles to reverse, but if Fiona needed her, she'd be there. Because she also needed Fiona. She'd always need Fiona.  

Her older sister's absence was palpable, even more so than when Fiona had been locked up - at least then they had known where she was. But Debbie would do all she could to find her, praying that this would be both the first and the last time she'd have to. 

////

A sigh of relief, "it's so good to hear your voice." 

A sigh of another kind, "you too. I'm coming home."

"I love you."

Fiona hadn't heard the three words from her little sister in so long, hadn't known that it was exactly what she needed to hear. She was overcome with déjà vu, remembering back to when Debbie had first learnt the phrase, back to when she had been trying to repeat it back to her big sister without really knowing what it had meant. This time, it was Fiona's turn to do the repeating.

"I love you too." 

////

She had her sister back, she finally had her sister back.

Her beautiful big sister, with her brown hair and eyes like melted chocolate to match,  _eyes that kind of look like mine_ , Debbie thought. As she hugged her sister tight for the first time in what felt like forever, 13-year-old Debbie Gallagher began to cry. 

"Oh Jesus, are you crying? Oh don't cry I'll start crying too."


End file.
